Don’t Believe the Hype!

Many common misconceptions exist about why a seemingly stable and honest married man would suddenly decide to succumb to extramarital temptations. All these excuses for infidelity are meant to place the blame or circumstances beyond the cheaters control – a nifty trick to pass the buck in an attempt to purge himself of responsibility.

Here, we debunk the top ten intelligence insulting cheating myths concerning why a husband chooses to cheat:

1. You’re just not attractive enough.
People erroneously believe that if they had more hair, had a smokin’ hot body, or were just generally more youthful looking, their husband would never stray.  Blaming a spouse’s deficiency for infidelity is a good ploy to shift the quilt from the cheater to his spouse. “It’s all your fault” leaves little room for interpretation.

2. A midlife crisis makes it impossible to resist members of the opposite sex.
The pathetic excuse that is known as a mid-life crisis is undoubtedly the product of some balding, pot-bellied genius that got caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar one too many times.  Based on the idea that once a person hits a certain time in their life, they completely lose their minds and do whatever they can to regain their youth.  Supposedly, we are expected to give them total immunity from uncharacteristic behavior between the ages of forty and fifty-five.

3 .People aren’t built to be monogamous.
There is a growing opinion among much of the population that people are just not wired for monogamy.  Apparently, many people have convinced themselves that Mother Nature never intended for us to live with one mate our entire lives, and so cheating is just an inevitable way for nature to correct our lifestyle mistakes.  If this was truly the case, the institution of marriage would not exist and marriage would not be a foundation in our society.

4. He’s not getting enough sex at home.
Disloyalty is rarely about sex alone. If he points to the lack of sex resulting in his indiscretions, the spouse often accepts the blame as feelings of her inadequacy slip in.  However, many affairs start because of emotional connections that are disguised as friendships that eventually go too far or the opportunity for an affair just presented itself – the reasons are endless.

5. Being attractive makes it too difficult to say no to all of their admirers.
Some believe monogamy is difficult for men in powerful positions. Whether your husband is Jon Bon Jovi or Tiger Woods, sex with anyone other than you is called infidelity. What one does for a living is not a license to cheat or a reason for others to look the other way. Trust, honesty and respect are not exclusive to only to one partner in the relationship. We can’t control others, but we can choose how we behave.

6. They cheat because they don’t love you.
Believe it or not, someone who cheats on you can still feel deep affection for you.  They have convinced themselves that it is possible to compartmentalize their life, separating the person involved in the questionable behavior from the person who they have always adored and loved.  Your cheating husband may still care about you and adore you deep down.

7. A person who cheats does so because they have no family values.
It’s possible for a family-oriented man to get sidetracked by a passionate and illicit affair.  It doesn’t mean that he is completely devoid of morals.  It just means that the temptation of an affair at that moment was irresistible. He doesn’t see himself as choosing family over infidelity although ultimately that could be the result.

8. An extramarital tryst occurs because your marriage was on the rocks already.
Many wives are totally blind-sided by their husband’s secret trysts.  They are plodding along comfortably in their marriage, believing that everything is just fine.  There are no glaring signs of cheating, or suspicious behaviors that would alarm them.  Just because a husband decides to have an affair doesn’t mean that the marriage was headed for failure prior to the indiscretion.  However, if you feel guilty, you may “buy” into his story

9. A cheating husband is purposefully trying to hurt you.
Actually, a cheating husband is not thinking about you at all. He’s thinking about what he wants – an affair.  A guilty transgressor will typically say once they’ve been caught in the act “I never meant to hurt you”.  Incredibly, this is often the honest truth despite the fact that the affair will emotionally scar you and the marriage will never be the same.

10. Someone else was relentless about seducing him.
What a cowardly cop-out!  As if someone could have some supernatural sorcery that would force your husband to strip naked. Unless a man is prepared to just drop his drawers, a little set up and planning is required for an affair. This involves full intention backed up with deliberate action.

It’s quite common once a cheater is caught to blame circumstances he claims are out of his control or blame someone else to try to absolve himself of any responsibility for his actions. The scary part is that he may actually believe this to be true.

In the end, regardless of what lead him to infidelity, cheating is a choice and only the cheater is accountable for his actions.