When you hear about or see a husband cheating on his wife, usually your first instinct is to feel sorry for his wife. Often the affair is common knowledge and you can only speculate what it would feel like to be in her shoes.

Comfortably married for years, your marriage has had its fair share of ups and downs but overall you feel your relationship is good. Secure in the belief that your husband would never deceive you; the possibility of cheating is unimaginable as you look forward to your future together.

However, gradually a sense of uneasiness seeps in, whether it is a subtle change in his behavior, you notice that he seems to be away from home more or your relationship unexpectedly shifts. Your intuition leads you discover the signs of cheating to confirmation of his infidelity.

The feeling of betray is so overwhelming and devastating that you search for something to relieve your pain. You want to project your pain on the one who caused you so much anguish. Since infidelity is the culprit, for revenge you deliberately target having an affair in retaliation. You want him to experience the same hurt he has caused you.

But the emotional cost of a retaliation affair, also called a payback affair, far exceeds any gain. Rather than getting even to relieve your pain, you intensify your emotionally turmoil.

A retaliation affair not only adds more obstacles but increases consequences further complicating the situation.

Here is what a payback affair will do to you!

1. Threatens your emotional stability and ability to think clearly and cope with the situation.
2. Compromises your ability to work out a solution.
3. Complicates the situation by involving another person.
4. Degrades your own morals and values.
5. Intensifies your pain – the pain won’t lessen or go away.
6. Destabilizes your family.
7. Now you have to deal with your own regrets and guilt
8. Your anger intensifies as you deal with your decision to have a retaliation affair.
9. You have to decide how to deal with your payback affair when your focus should be on his infidelity.

We don’t know how we will behave during a crisis. By taking the time to understand our situation and control our emotions to prevent rash decisions, we are more likely to make better, more responsible and constructive choices.

When we look back we can feel confident that we did all we could to contribute to the best possible outcome for our marriage and ourselves as we face the future.