Stopping at a red light is a no brainer. Without the consciousness kicking in, innately we know that the possible consequence of ripping through the intersection could be death.

Any sane person would stop at the red light without thinking about it and few would argue stopping is a good idea.

But when it comes to relationships there is little common ground as to how one should behave. Forget that our values, morals and beliefs vary radically to shape our choices.

Women and men are not on the same page.  According to John Gray “women are from Venus and men are from Mars”. The male and female point of view on relationships dramatically differs.

With this in mind, I was curious when I saw my friend Jeff engaging in frequent flirty encounters with another woman.

As a happily married man, I wondered how far he was willing to go in this relationship.

Would he make a point of running into her?  Would he arrange to meet for coffee or exchange emails? Would their conversations take on a personal tone? Would casually touching her arm be OK?

I was curious where his “line in the sand” was. Then it occurred to me. He might not even have a line drawn.

I thought if it isn’t clear cut to him what constitutes unacceptable behavior given he’s married, would he just ride the wave of excitement and let things take its course? Would he then be prepared for how far he might venture down a path leading to possible infidelity?

It’s about knowing your limits. One drink I can handle and two drinks makes me stupid. Unless I want to be a bumbling idiot, I know which side of the line I stand on. I choose the side that keeps me sane and I behave accordingly.

It’s no different when it comes to relationships. If a male acquaintance starts to get a little too personal, I know where my line in the sand is drawn. Arranging a little rendezvous with anyone other than my partner is not my style.

Although the line can be fussy at times, it’s clear when you stepped over it.  And once you do, you’ve reached the point of no return. Your foot prints become embedded in the sand on the other side  – the wrong side – and you can’t jump back and forth willy nilly like in skipping.

Firm values operating on a subconscious level helps keep you out of trouble especially when it comes to relationships and emotions.

If Jeff doesn’t know where his line in the sand is, he could find himself at best in an awkward situation and at worst in a real pickle with regret for the rest of his life. You would think that with such life altering consequences he would know where his line in the sand is.

Naivety, oblivion and turning a blind eye are not excuses if things go off the rails. Knowing where you stand and where your line in the sand is takes the guess work out of decisions.

Contemplating every life scenario in advance isn’t possible. However, knowing yourself and what you want out of life will keep you on the right side of the line.