When you first suspect your husband of cheating, even thinking about him with another woman sends you into orbit, causing unbearable pain. Sometimes it’s just your intuition when the signs of cheating are elusive. Your spouse may go to a lot of trouble to hide all evidence, adding to your frustration of not seeing positive proof. Even at this stage, embarrassment and humiliation set in.

With your back against the wall, desperation sets in as your search for any evidence of infidelity is in vain. Your husband deletes cell phone history, password-protects his computers, and sets up private bank accounts and credit cards making it impossible to track. His whereabouts are unexplained or lamely accounted for.

At this stage it’s almost becomes a power game. Feeling smug and invincible, some men take pride in covering up their tracks down to the most minuscule detail. When you are not in the mode of cheating yourself, keeping up with the mind of someone who is can be a challenge resulting in frustration and often self defeat.

Lacking evidence of infidelity, the cheating partner continues their pattern of lying, deceit and indiscriminate behavior.

Without proof, how do you bring closure to settle your mind, end the craziness and move forward in your life?

Instead of placing energy on the act of cheating, greater benefit may be derived by focusing on the wider issue of what’s happening in your marriage.

Take a step away and examine how your husband treats you. Is there a lack of respect, openness and passion?  Is he hostile, angry or arrogant towards you?

Ask yourself what his motivation could be for his unusual behavior.

> What motivates your husband to be secretive about his phone, computer or activities?
> What motivates your husband to delete information from his phone/computer or hide his paper trail?
> What motivates him to avoid you or ignore how you feel and what you think?
> What motivates him to change how he interacts and communicates with you?
> Does his behavior take the attention away from having to deal with bigger issues in your marriage?
> Is he looking for an excuse to leave the marriage?

You don’t need conclusive proof of cheating to know your marriage is in trouble. Stepping back to observe your relationship may give you the insight into what is going terribly wrong.

Focusing on motivations instead of proof of cheating, may bring you closer to the answers you are looking for.